Single Woes…

 

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rein (no regrets) – Edith Piaf

Hello everyone, we’re almost at the halfway point of 2017 and I do hope you all are keeping well and not letting the bad bugs and thoughts get you down. At least I ‘m not. FYI it’s a long one!

Few days ago, I was minding my business reading Dr. Seuss’ ‘I don’t like Green Eggs and Ham’ to my mini me for the 500^th time when I got an alert on my cell. My new bff in my head Cornelia O’Dwyer had just uploaded the latest episode of Chic Chat live on Youtube. I love the round table discussion and I often find them thought provoking and hilariously entertaining.

The topic of the week was ‘Living Single in Lagos’ and boy oh boy, the memories came flooding back and I decided to share some of my horror stories with hindsight being what it is possibly, and some of the things I had learned during those times.

I moved back to Lagos after some time in England and I was immediately besieged with the usual calls from friends and family members, ‘Why are you not married?” “Lets meet the young man’, “Why are you still single?’ on and on it went. I had a good job, my health, my own vehicle for all intends and purposes; I was doing quite well for myself. All that was left was finding my knight in shining amour and in my search, I would welcome blind dates and introductions from my loved ones.

I can recall an instance when my dear aunty gave a young professional from Ibadan my number. While I found him pleasant and friendly, I just couldn’t get pass the heavy western accent and the fact that he didn’t seem or appear to be sure of himself. Safe to say we didn’t make it through a second date. I wonder what he’s up to now?

Enters Umar

I met *Umar (not real name) at my aunt’s 40^th birthday shindig and we hit things off. He was nice, charming and very respectful. We went out on a couple of dates; he even bought me some anti –malaria drugs on one occasion that I got ill. I shared with my aunt that I was sort of seeing the guy I had met at her party and she told me that the dude was married with kids. I confronted him about it and after he danced around an appropriate answer, I ceased all correspondence with him. That didn’t stop other married men chatting me up and I begun to feel that maybe there was something in me that made married men attracted to me.

Its not as if the single guys were any better. There were those had no idea what they wanted or were just indulging in some fun before they settled down with their true intended.

Enters Dapo

I met *Dapo through a family friend of mine. They were both doctors and had attended the same university. After a while, I decided to give it a shot and see where things led. We dated for a few months and my feelings for him grew stronger and all of a sudden he stopped answering my phone calls and text messages. This went on for an entire month until I eventually got the message that he wasn’t interested anymore. My girl friend confronted him months after as to why he acted in such a way. According to him he saw that things were getting serious and he found he had nothing to offer at the time so he took the cowards way out and stopped all correspondence.

Mohammed strolls along…

*Mohammed and I were I the same NYSC camp and we got reconnected after a while and started courting. Only for me to find out that he was just like the others and chickened out of the relationship because I didn’t fit the model of an ideal Moslem wife. 

On the surface I appeared to be the same happy go lucky gal despite my relationship pitfalls. I had questions inside, “what was wrong with me?” “ Could it be my fault”?

The constant barrage of best friends and cousins getting married during that period didn’t help and I slowly edged towards into a lonely place. I was happy for my friends, I would gladly buy their aso- ebis or accept to be at their bridal party but I still dreaded going on outings where everyone would be coupled up and I would be by myself.

After a while, I completely stopped attending weddings or any other social function. My cousin still to this day is cross at me because I refused to be at his bridal party but how many people would understand the state of mind that I was in? Only a few did. My older brother, who till this day remains my rock, always encouraged me not to become jaded or cynical and to always engage in activities that made me happy. I threw myself into my job and on my free time would go to the cinema to watch two or three movies in a day. When the opportunities came for me to further my studies and get a Master’s degree I jumped at the chance with the encouragement of my Mom.

It was during this period that my Prince came along and the rest they say is history. I guess this entire write-up is addressed at those who are disillusioned or depressed because it seems the entire world is moving on while they perceive that they are stuck in one place. There is a saying that you might think God is withholding a blessing from you for no reason but it because he is waiting for the right time for you to fully understand and appreciate the blessings when it’s the right time.

Enjoy the time you have now that you are single because believe me marriage is not what its cracked up to be or for the faint hearted. Engage yourself in activities that make you and just you happy. If you have the funds or the time; spoil yourself, go shopping, call your other single friends and organize a girl’s trip or a sleepover.

Most importantly, take the time out to carefully observe and listen to your other married friends and how they deal with the ups and downs in their union because trust and believe those lessons will come in handy when you are going through your own ups and downs..

All in all, enjoy every single day like it’s your last. Life is too short …