Photo Credit : MyMelninRocks


Happy New Year! We did it! Here’s wishing all of you a year filled with success, happiness and lots and lots of laughter by the grace of the Almighty.

Now, that’s out of our system on to the topic of today.

I was scrolling through my social media time line at the end of last year and blogs were awash with tales from the latest celebrity divorce. Atlanta rapper TI and his wife of five years, Rnb Singer Tiny were divorcing. Now, as much as I do not wish divorce on anyone, we all know that marriages end all the time. However, what spiked my interest were the tales of the alleged avenues Tiny had taken to keep her marriage.

From going under the knife (liposuctions, changing her eye color to blue), inviting partners into their bedroom to spice up their sex life and even going as far as allegedly having another baby. I am not one to judge anyone’s choices to try and save their marriage or to keep a partner but I had to ask myself just how far would I go to keep someone.

Despite all her efforts, Tiny still found herself in the midst of alleged tales of TI’s infidelity. And I’m sure at this point everyone has read the Toke Makinwa memoir of how she described bleaching her skin under the understanding that her ex-husband had a preference for light skinned damsels in the hope of keeping him. I am pretty sure people are sick and tired of discussing the whole team dark skin versus team light skin, bleaching and all it encompasses including me. But do the partners get it? Do they understand the extent that many go to save their relationships?

The answer is confusing and pretty vague. Your husband or boyfriend tells you he doesn’t want you wearing makeup or getting weaves done and the next thing, you uncover him having an affair with someone who embodies the exact thing he tells you not to do; face beat to the gods with 20 to 24 inches Eurasian weaves. He tells you he detests girls with fake body parts but you find him or her scrolling through pictures of human Barbie’s on Instagram and even sliding to their DM’s. One can never fully understand why one cheats and the answers you might receive are usually contradictory or even more confusing.

I guess what I’m trying to understand is how and why we as women especially, put these pressure on ourselves. We constantly kill ourselves trying to achieve some sort of perfection all in a bid to keep something or someone who doesn’t want to be kept. We starve ourselves; sorry we diet to stay skinny or get skinny to look fabulous, we get our boobs blown up or shrunk down to make big daddy happy. We buy buckets of Makari and Goat’s Milk to give Beyoncé and Kim K a run for their money all in the hope of ensuring the success of our relationship at the cost of our souls.

I blame society. We have allowed our society to place unrealistic expectations of women on us and I for one I’m done with it. Don’t kill yourself trying to achieve some idea of perfection in the hope of keeping your partner from cheating, unless by the grace of God, he or she is going to do that regardless and all your efforts will be for nothing.

If you feel the need to get your hair done, do it because you want to. If you want to lose weight in order to be healthy by all means have at it and if you feel the need to for a little nip and tuck and you have the funds for it, yeah go ahead. I’m just saying be sure of your own intentions and don’t let anyone dictate the terms of your joy. ‘

To thine own self be true’


Act-1, Scene-III William Shakespeare


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