I trust we are all getting into the swing of the New Year and keeping up with our resolutions. At least I know I am. Regarding the topic of the day, I’ll like to state that these are strictly my opinions on the matter and for anyone who I might offend, I apologize. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, here goes….
Unless you have been living under the rock, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Ciara Vs. her baby daddy Futures’ drama back and forth on social media; and for the Nigerian and African readers there is the whole Davido and his baby mama Sophia debacle. Let me state that we don’t know the inner intricacies of these stories but from what we have heard so far, I’m not sure I like so much.
In both stories, one thing that stands out to me is the blatant disrespect for these women or baby mamas. Early this year, Davido went on a Twitter rant about how he and his family were prevented from leaving the country with his daughter without a written consent from the girl’s mom because his family refused to buy her a car or a plane ticket. He then laid out all their dirty laundry for all to peruse; he stated how the lady in question was a frequent ‘weed smoker’ and how her insistent weed smoking had affected their daughter adversely; he went on about how the lady (Sophie) ‘took advantage’ of his youth and innocence since he happens to be younger than she is. Sophie’s uncle, Ovation Magazine Editor Dele Momodu, hoping to offer his niece’s side of the story got into the mix and a back and forth ensued which ended with what was supposed to be a peace deal being proffered. Davido then released what were allegedly his daughter’s medical results and early this week; a diss track. You can always count on Davido to keep it classy!
When Crunk princess Ciara hooked up with rap artist Future awhile back, many people including me were confused. Now I’m not one to question who someone falls in love with but this baffled me. While Ciara’s songs were brash, fun and in your face; she seemed so demure and so proper on the outside. Future was a whole different story, a bit rough around the edges with dreadlocks, several kids; a bad boy somewhat. Maybe that was the attraction; we ladies are always attracted to bad boys under some illusion that our love and attention can change them. Fast-forward down the line; they have a son and break up due to his alleged infidelity. After some time, Ciara then hooks up with Seattle Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson and then we see pictures of them together on dates; one of such at the Seahawks training camp where Russell interacts in an adorable manner with baby Future and for some reason Future senior and some others cannot stomach it. He goes on Twitter rants and radio stations stating he doesn’t want his son hanging out with Russell. We see celebrities like T.I, Charlamagne and Wendy Williams chime in support of him, even calling Ciara a bad mother. Early this year, he called Ciara a bitch because she was keeping him from spending time with his son. Again, some stood in support of him again but this time many came out in her defense saying he was just bitter that she had moved on to a better person.
I can bet my bottom dollar that people all over the world are facing similar issues but these are prominent cases which we can shine a spotlight on and learn some important lessons. Now I’m not naive to think that all baby mamas’ are devoid of fault, I believe that some are. The only innocent parties in these cases are the children that are caught in the middle. They didn’t ask to be born and it’s up to the said parents and adults to step up to the plate and act right for the sake of the kids.
In addressing the guys first, to the likes of Davido and Future: just how hard is it to buy a condom and strap it on? I understand that some of you get off on the ego trip when you see multitudes of girls throw themselves at you because you’re either a musical artist or a sports star but at what point do you understand that you don’t have to go to bed with everything and I mean everyone that throw themselves at you? And if you do, do you have so little respect for yourself that you would go to bed with anyone without protecting yourself. I came across a video on YouTube the other day of a young man who looked to be in his twenties. What caught my attention were the statements he made about safe sex. He stated how safe sex was a farce and he even went as far as to set a condom on fire. Really, if you’re adult enough to sleep with someone you should be adult enough to understand that you are playing Russian roulette with your life. There are no but’s or if’s about it and if you don’t know what Russian roulette is, Google it.
Getting someone pregnant is the least of your problems and if you do get someone pregnant, be a man and take responsibility for the child that you helped create. Do not make excuses; ‘It is not the woman’s fault that she got pregnant’ last time I checked it takes two people to make a baby. Statements like ‘she took advantage of my youth’ do not fly. Well, you weren’t a ‘boy’ when you were in the throes of passion, were you?
President Obama said in a speech once, ‘Any fool can make a baby; it takes a man to raise a child.’ Now for those selfish ones who are so self-absorbed to be bothered to take care of their offspring’s, don’t get angry when years down the line those same children want nothing to do with you or someone else steps up to be a father figure to your kids. Future tweets about spending over $15,000 on child support, allegedly. As a parent, I have come to understand that a child needs more than the material things.
What do you think a five year old remembers: daddy’s child support check in the mail or playing football with said daddy? Think about that!
To the ladies who are lacking something within themselves or suffer from low self-esteem that they would go to bed with any man and would gladly claim to be so and so’s baby mama; having a baby does not guarantee anything. The likelihood of him putting a ring on it is minuscule and if he does marry you, do you feel good about yourself knowing he’s just marrying you because you share a child. Like I said earlier, pregnancy is the least of your problems. Being baby mama number 1, 2, 3 or 8 is not a status symbol. According to the Izanla Vanzant and I agree, you’re all getting piece of a man and not the actual man. I would say the greatest gift a woman can ever receive is the feeling you have when you hold your child, so I would say if you choose to sleep with a douchebag without protection whether deliberately or not and you get pregnant; if he doesn’t marry you, focus on yourself and your baby. You deserve more than just being someone’s baby mama.