I know its being a while since I’ve blogged its been uber crazy for me, between work, taking care of my home and all its inhabitants; hubby, baby and doggy etc it’s been crazyyy and winters coming! Ha! But I’ve missed you though. Anyway.. enough of my rambling.
For the past few weeks I’ve been bursting with creative energy and so I am asking your forgiveness ahead of time. I’m going to be knocking out these blog posts so fast it’ll make your head spin. Facto!
With all the creative energy pulsating through my veins, I decided to start by sharing a very personal journey with you guys. For those who know me and I mean those who really know me, I am an extremely introverted, shy homebody even though I might appear otherwise. Funny, open and dorky.
I have always enjoyed my own company to the company of others. During my Uni days, I recall my sisters getting dolled up on a Friday to hit the town. I would sit at home in my jammies watching documentaries on the History or Discovery channel. Don’t get me wrong, I could turn up with the best of them. My girls Olohi, Fatima and Tope hit the club circuit several times. Unilag parties were always the most fun maybe because they had a better selection of guys. Nothing against my Lasu guys but Unilag had more of a diverse selection.
But somewhere along the line and I’m not sure when, I sort of withdrew into myself. During my time in England, I would prefer keeping to myself and those rare occasions just hanging with my family. It just seemed so much of an effort making new friends, I was always on my guard and it takes me a while, a long while to get comfortable around people.
I still had and still have my inner circle of girlfriends but breaking out of that circle proved bothersome. Honestly I stopped trying to meet new people. I remember, Tuesdays were my movie days, I worked at one of the major cinemas in Leicester square in London, so it was so easy to secure movie tickets and so I would grab my snacks, yes u heard me, my snacks and go watch the latest movies back to back. And this practice continued when I moved back to Lagos. I would go and see movies by myself, even when I went out on dates I would do back and see the movies again by myself. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoyed hanging out with people and I mean ‘my people’ but I would rather just hang out with myself.
A few years ago, I got married and relocated to the states and it was a culture shock for me and I will admit I am still getting used to the American way of doing things. My husband teases me all the time for my quirky, dorky ‘Toyosi’ way of doing and saying things. I didn’t realize how much I had withdrawn into my own minuscule life until I had my baby girl a year ago. Our little diva came into our lives guns blazing and boy oh boy it’s been a rollercoaster ride ever since.
The rugrat took over every fibre of my existence in those early months. She still does till now but I didn’t realize just how much, until an acquaintances brought up how much my world had revolved around being a perfect mom. She re-introduced me to my new best thing –makeup (but that’s for another blog post wink wink).
I remember while I was pregnant my husband constantly encouraged me to go out, make friends, do stuff I shrugged it off and even after I had my daughter, I was so comfortable being at home with my new baby.
This only provided me with the perfect excuse not to leave the house. When my daughter was 8 months, I re-entered the work force. Garnering a job did wonders for my confidence as a woman and a mother but at the same time it didn’t help certain insecurities I had. The role entailed speaking to clients on a daily basis but while some found my accent cute and intriguing, some took it as a reason to decipher that I was an illiterate Call Centre Rep from a third world country, who could not speak a word of English.
They didn’t know that I am a Master’s degree holder with over 5 years work experience under my belt! YES PEOPLE I AM TOOTING MY OWN BLEEDING HORN HERE. As my Hubs would testify, I came home filled with so much rage and irritation several times.
Thank the stars I left that job but after a brief stint at another establishment I seem to have found my footing at a new place where I find myself appreciated and respected, I am learning every single day, and I love where I am professionally, the sky is my limit in that regard . I must say that for now I look forward to coming to work everyday and with this new confidence I realize that I need to create my own circle of existence without my daughter and husband. I need a new circle of girlfriends and I have already started taking the plunge in exploring avenues for me to start and foster friendships…Who knows what might happen.